Relationship Issues

As human beings, we are inherently relational in nature. Interpersonal relatedness for intimacy, love, connectedness and attachment is one of our fundamental needs, central to our happiness. 

The beginning of any romantic relationship is usually always very exciting. The first dates, getting to know someone new, someone charming. We may even experience a ‘butterflies in the stomach’ kind of sensation and other wonderful feelings. 

However, maintaining a healthy romantic relationship can be challenging. Sharing life with someone else can present different obstacles and difficulties over time. These may be related to the stress of busy, modern living, wanting different things out of life, or due to dysfunctional dynamics that may be extremely difficult to identify and break free from.  

The longing for connection and intimacy is very much ingrained in human nature, together with the happiness we may experience when we meet that person that may be ‘the one’, may lead us to overlook improper behaviours or characteristics of that person that might become difficult for us to ignore, live with or get away from.

Understanding relationships 

Every romantic relationship requires a considerable amount of time and effort to maintain a strong intimate connection. In the initial stage, when you want to spend every minute with your partner and have frequent moments of intimacy and a strong desire to get to know them, this occurs naturally.

After the initial ‘honeymoon period’ - which varies for every couple - we might become less keen to compromise, and our need for intimacy may also decrease, as well as the intensity of our feelings. This may make us wonder if that means that we no longer love our partner or if our partner still loves us like they used to. Here, a much bigger effort is needed to maintain that love and intimate connection with our partner.

The presence of difficulties and warning signs does not mean that the couple is doomed to fail, but rather that more work is needed to understand what is lacking in the couple's dynamic. Many couples benefit from couples therapy and marriage counselling to improve their connection and resolve these issues. For instance, many issues in a couple often revolve around a lack of healthy, honest communication. In fact, being able to be honest about how we feel with our partner while at the same time being able to listen and respect our partner’s feelings can be quite challenging. 

This lack of honesty is often due to fear of ruining the relationship. It is very common to avoid expressing how we really feel or asking for support correctly without blaming or criticising our loved ones. Most of the time, this difficulty in communication is the very reason why we feel we are not getting what we want from our partners. 

The ability to communicate with others is learned in the relationships within our family growing up, and learning to relate to others from the examples set by our primary caregivers. 

Signs of relationship problems

If you recognise some of these signs in your relationship dynamic, it is important to seek help from a mental health professional who can help you identify and define these better, improve your communication skills, and thus improve the quality of your relationship.

• Inflexibility, unwilling to compromise

• Focusing exclusively on how you feel without considering your partner’s feelings

• The constant presence of blaming, critical, disrespectful, undermining, or manipulative comments.

• Lack of sex and intimacy 

• Lack of - healthy - communication

• Leaving arguments and issues unresolved

• Hiding things and keeping secrets

• Passive-aggressive behaviours 

• Frequent instances of raging and angry behaviours

• Controlling behaviour 

• Flirting with, seeing other people or secretly fantasising about others

• Not enjoying spending time together

• Needing excessive attention and reassurance, which never seems to be enough 

• Lack of trust

• Being afraid to talk about certain topics

• Not respecting the other person's boundaries and wishes

Other problems in the couple can be instead characterised by an imbalance of power – one partner tends to dominate or control the other using emotional abuse, neediness, demanding constant attention and even aggression. This ‘imbalance’ can take different forms; visit the Codependency and Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse pages to know more. 

How therapy can help improve your relationship

A qualified mental health professional can support you in identifying the possible warning signs and problems that can sometimes be difficult to pinpoint and help you develop ways to address them. In some cases, couples therapy and marriage counselling can provide specific guidance and techniques for enhancing your relationship, while also offering emotional support and helping you develop a more assertive way of communicating.

Please get in touch with us to learn more about therapy for relationship issues or schedule an appointment for a free initial consultation.